55 days sober.
Every self help guru/book seems to start with “find your big why”.
Big why’s don’t work as a start point for me. Its taken a long time for me to realise this.
That made me realise that I never solved a problem by thinking why it needed solving. If I have a problem at work and I’m struggling to fix it I never go back to the BIG WHY to help. The question is always WHAT IF I try this, or this. The why always comes after – why didn’t that work, or why did it work. It’s never a big why though.
My big why for stopping drinking has always been I don’t want to die young. If that isn’t a big enough why I don’t know what is. I don’t have time to sit around finding a better why.
But WHAT IF is much better for me, your mileage may be different.
What If In Practice
I can apply that short term and long. It can help mindfulness, keep me in the moment, or it can help me visualise the end goal.
For example in the moment – I’m offered a beer. I quickly ask myself what if I have it. It takes a second to do that internal audit of what if and remind myself of the consequences. Those off guard moments are when I’m at my most vulnerable and I never once went to the big why for help.
Big why is language I never understood when solving problems. Maybe I need to retrain my brain to be able to leverage big why’s. But that will take time, time which could be spent doing something that works for me.
Why is a reactive word. We use the 5 why’s at work to find out why something didn’t happen, or went wrong. Or we ask why are you doing that? Or why do you want to do that? If you’re asking why, then you already know what you are going to do or you’ve already done it or doing it.
Having said all this. Applying WHAT IF is still not easy, it needs to become habit to make it a go to.