Day 105 Alcohol Free
Working from home again is a trigger for drinking.
The habit of getting up from my desk at the end of the day and just grabbing a beer straight away was one easily dropped when I went back to the office.
drink away the painMobb Deep – Drink Away The Pain
The loneliness of sitting here all day for 10-14 hours with no other human contact (other than work talk) is a part of this too. Drinking numbed the feeling of loneliness. I’ve said before I’m not great at reaching out to people, or being a friend. So I am fully aware I create a lot of this problem. Its on the list to tackle – just got a couple of other things I’m working on right now before I get to it.
Let’s be real here. I have a job, I have a home, I am warm (most the time), I have plenty of food. I know I’m not bad off in the most important aspects of life. But there were reasons I drank – not all of them were logical.
You may recognise yourself in some of the things I am going through, so this may help or you may have ideas that you want to share. Thats the point. This isn’t whoah is me, its more this is whats happening – with no self pity involved.
Luckily I’m in a place mentally where I can easily ride these triggers. I see no benefit in drinking. Those 105 days have toughened my resolve, I am fully out of the habit of drinking.
I just need to ride them long enough where my new routines make them go away permanently.
Having routine is also helping. It breaks the association with how tough mentally last lockdown was.
Last lockdown I wasn’t sleeping well, so I’d get out of bed to watch tv and then fall asleep on the sofa. I’d wake up when it was time for work, walk over to the desk and start the day. Often washing and getting dressed during my lunch break.
Now, I am waking up doing a morning routine (meditate, journal, read), have breakfast, get washed and dressed and start work. Just like I would if I were going in to the office.
Even getting dressed like I’m going out to work helps – it is something different from what I was doing in the last lockdown, so its helping break the non-routine I had. Shirt and trousers are my work uniform, not the shorts and t shirt of last lockdown.
I’m learning too. Podcasts are a great way to stifle the loneliness, its like being part of a conversation if I pick the right one. Just listening in to friends chatting and enjoying it.
I’m thinking of investing in a pair of slippers. What are your recommendations? Socks are cool and all, but they’re too warm in bed at night (yes I am that person). Slippers seems a sensible compromise. I think a pair of baby yoda slippers would be cool – matching my gown (oh yeah, its a gown now – feels grand).