82 Days Alcohol Free
Lots of thoughts bubbling away in the old noggin today.
Oh, look New Years Eve. Should I write about how I don’t set resolutions – siting all the evidence that they don’t work? There are plenty of other blogs for that.
The one I like at the moment is the feeling of not being unique. That is actually comforting. Knowing I am not alone in the struggle to quit drinking, or the lack of control around food, or being a general emotional wreck.
But the thought I am going to settle on is meditation.
I know it works. I know it brings a sense of calm to my brain. Sometimes it even feels like a natural high. So why the bloody hell am I not doing it more often?
Somewhere in a dark recess of my mind I believe its all woo woo, is one reason.
Also, sitting with my thoughts/feelings and not getting wrapped up in them feels alien. Its uncomfortable not giving in to what I’ve always done. But what I’ve always done isn’t working. Getting wrapped up in the negative thoughts, the worry, the anxiety etc hasn’t worked.
There is a fear that no longer being the person who worries unnecessarily will take a huge part of who I am away.
Meditation means changing who I am. Thats why I don’t do it more often.
But, like Luke did on Dagobah, I need to go in to my Cave of Evil and face what is there. Face who I am and change what is no longer working.