Cravings, Fear and Self-Care – Sober Diary

Craving

At one point during the week I noticed that, whilst I still crave a drink at the usual trigger hour of the work day, my cravings are short lived.  

I finally understand what they mean in meditation by recognise the thought, don’t analyse it, and move on. This is what happened during yesterdays craving. I noticed it, acknowledged it, then went about my day. I don’t even know if it was still there, it felt like it went as fast as it came.

The Fear

I’ve been alcohol free before. Two years ago, for 44 days.  

Despite all the community support and guidance, I really struggled through it. I’ve often thought the only reason was having to face life in all its warts and all glory.  Having to handle my inner demons, no longer surpressing them with alcohol. 

Maybe that is only part of it. 

I remember at the time being scared of not having alcohol in my life. Every one of those 44 days this was in my mind. It was almost like mourning – but with the knowledge that I could bring it back whenever I wanted.  And I did, big style. 

This time around, 28 days as of this blog post, I don’t feel that fear.  I don’t miss alcohol.  No mourning of it.   This time it’s been much easier to be sober because I am not scared.   I am able to appreciate the things I have gained more than the things I perceive I’ve lost.  

In reality I’ve lost nothing – I didn’t realise that last time. I’ve gained so much.

Self-Care

This week I heard an amazing quote from David Goggins

“You don’t care about yourself, so you don’t stay in the fight”

That was so true for so long. But now I care. Now I am fighting.  

I am so excited for the things to come.