Lots of thoughts bubbling away in the old noggin today.
Oh, look New Years Eve. Should I write about how I don’t set resolutions – siting all the evidence that they don’t work? There are plenty of other blogs for that.
The one I like at the moment is the feeling of not being unique. That is actually comforting. Knowing I am not alone in the struggle to quit drinking, or the lack of control around food, or being a general emotional wreck.
But the thought I am going to settle on is meditation.
I know it works. I know it brings a sense of calm to my brain. Sometimes it even feels like a natural high. So why the bloody hell am I not doing it more often?
Somewhere in a dark recess of my mind I believe its all woo woo, is one reason.
Also, sitting with my thoughts/feelings and not getting wrapped up in them feels alien. Its uncomfortable not giving in to what I’ve always done. But what I’ve always done isn’t working. Getting wrapped up in the negative thoughts, the worry, the anxiety etc hasn’t worked.
There is a fear that no longer being the person who worries unnecessarily will take a huge part of who I am away.
Meditation means changing who I am. Thats why I don’t do it more often.
But, like Luke did on Dagobah, I need to go in to my Cave of Evil and face what is there. Face who I am and change what is no longer working.
It’s silent and the dog is snoring. This makes me chuckle, not a bad start to the day.
The Yoda Bit
What follows is a bit of rambling, I think it makes sense. Let me know if I missed my point, or if my point isn’t obvious.
I’ve been doing a lot of trying. Trying this, trying that. Seeing what sticks. Thinking a whole lot, not just accepting at times I just need to stop and do.
A rolling stone gathers no moss
It’s easy to be the rolling stone, but I’d like to gather a bit of moss (knowledge, progress, learning). I can keep on moving on to the next thing, without really absorbing what I am doing right now. But that isn’t really productive. It’s a lot of energy wasted, with only snippets learned.
I think it is time to get out of my head and start doing. Do the damn thing for a period of time before I make my mind up on its success/failure, before I move on quickly without having learned.
While I am doing those though, I am going to learn too. I want to get better at meditation/mindfulness. At the moment I am aware that I know next to nothing. Soundbite knowledge from several different books. I need to do some proper reading on the subject. Also learn as I do.
I also want to address my relationship with food. Currently working through The Kindness Method book and its various exercises. Again, doing and not just thinking/trying. Its a process, I just have to trust and keep doing it.